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must-watch: “buy now” on Netflix

Buy Now: The Shopping Conspiracy is streaming on Netflix and I highly recommend it.

Granted, most of the information isn’t new. It covers stuff like:

  • Planned obsolescence. Almost everything is made to break quickly these days, so unfortunately this isn’t as shocking a concept as it used to be. But I didn’t realize a group of lightbulb manufacturers actually met and conspired to cut the lifespan of bulbs in half so we’d all have to buy more! WTF!

  • The wastefulness of fashion and other industries, with companies ordering workers to ensure discarded items aren’t usable. A Bath & Bodyworks employee said that her manager ordered her to squeeze out unsold shower gel into a dumpster so homeless people couldn’t use it; Panda Express apparently does the same by mixing unsold food together so it’s inedible 😱

  • Greenwashing, as well as how companies feature kids in ads in order to seem more wholesome. (I was hoping the doc would focus more on psychological tactics like this that brands use to manipulate people.)

  • How electronics “recycling” and donating clothes to charity usually just means they’re shipped to poor countries and pollute the air, water, and land

  • Electronics companies making their devices impossible to repair so you have to buy more (the book Made to Break sounds like it’s in the same vein)

Much of it isn’t exactly groundbreaking (and the AI voice was annoying), but I still consider it a must-watch, because there are some nuggets that make the issues concrete and gut-punchy when so often “climate change” and “social justice” can seem vague and abstract. There was footage of people in Thailand surrounded by mountains of discarded electronics, breaking them apart and probably getting cancer in the process. Horrifying.

The interviews with former higher-ups at Adidas, Amazon, Unilever, Apple, etc. were illuminating—executives aren’t thinking about responsible disposal of their products, because no one is forcing them to (so we gotta!). And if they are, they’re lying about products being recyclable without actual follow-through.

The film was also a reminder that the higher you get at corporations, the more pressure there is to drink the Kool-Aid and not question anything. Overall, it was an indictment of capitalism, a reminder that growth at all costs is literally toxic.

The filmmakers tried to end on a hopeful note (probably because so much of it was devastating). A few states are passing “right to repair” legislation—in California, if items cost over $100, manufacturers have to ensure they can be repaired, diagnosed, or maintained for seven years! And organizations like The Or Foundation (clothing justice) and iFixIt (repair guides for everything) are doing good work.

Ultimately, as consumers, it’s not just about recycling more or switching from plastic to glass; it’s about buying less and pressuring corporations/politicians to change.

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the giver

“I was always ashamed to take, so I gave.
It was not a virtue.
It was a disguise.”

Anaïs Nin

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remind you of anyone?

“It’s a systematic marginalizing of populations, Glinda, that’s what the Wizard’s all about.”

Elphaba, Wicked

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survival

“The big question is, can you survive?”

“I think so.

I have to.

I’m trying.”

—Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy

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forgetting

“Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us.”

—Pablo Neruda

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aestheticism vs. sensualism

or beauty vs. pleasure

I don’t do resolutions, but a goal of mine for 2025 is to spend less time feeling guilt and shame. Fuck those. Feeling bad about myself is out; indulgence and beauty and pleasure and decadence and hedonism are very much IN. It’s the roaring ‘20s, baby!!!

But what do you call that? Aestheticism? Sensualism? I’ve heard people use them interchangeably, but I didn’t really understand the difference.

The interwebs tells me that aesthete (related to the word “aesthetics,” or appearance) is about beauty, while sensualism is more about enjoying all of your senses (pleasure). The line between the two gets fuzzy because there is pleasure in enjoying and savoring beauty.

For example, seeing an ornate vintage teacup in a thrift store is an aesthetic activity; enjoying the ritual of boiling the water, carefully steeping the tea, adding a little sugar or cream, and slowly sipping the tea from said vintage teacup is a sensualist activity.

Here’s my REALLY beautiful, aesthetically pleasing (not) diagram:

A large circle with doodles of 4 senses (finger for touch, nose for smell, mouth for taste, ear for sound) encompassing a smaller circle with an eye for seeing.

(That’s a finger, nose, mouth, ear, and eye, if you couldn’t tell from my GORGEOUS drawing skillz.)

In my humble non-expert opinion, all aesthetic activities are also sensual activities, but only SOME sensual activities (oh my!) are aesthetic.

Cool cool. Glad I figured that out. Back to my regularly scheduled programming of mostly just posting quotes that I stumble on and love. <3

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beauty ≠ morality

“By framing beauty as a moral achievement rather than what it often is—a combination of genetics, resources and medical intervention—we create an impossible standard. Women are expected to meet increasingly demanding beauty standards while maintaining the fiction that their appearance is entirely ‘natural’. The pressure to be beautiful becomes entangled with the pressure to be ‘good’.”

Ellen Atlanta, “Why Are Celebrities So Keen to Deny Cosmetic Work?” in Dazed

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2025

“I cannot bring myself to wish anyone a happy anything as we live through a livestreamed genocide, so I will wish you safety and comfort, and the power to change this fucked up world.”

Ameya, “Fat. So?” podcast

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Lindy West on weight loss

“I don’t think you can pursue deliberate weight loss without endorsing [a] body hierarchy. If you think you look better when you’re thinner, that means you think thin people are better than fat people. And they’re not.”

Lindy West, on the podcast “Weight For It

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enough

“Enough is so vast a sweetness, I suppose it never occurs, only pathetic counterfeits.”

Emily Dickinson

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Rick Owens on beauty and intolerance

“My personal effort has been to oppose intolerance in any way that I can by proposing aesthetics that are not the accepted standards or not the enforced standards. I talk about airport beauty: we’re forced to march through this gauntlet of beauty—the beauty ads, the beauty goods, perfume things—that is exactly the same globally…and it’s narrow, and it can be a little bit cruel…I want to offer something that is not exactly that…

“I want to balance out intolerance by promoting alternatives to what are the standards of beauty. When you can blur the standards of beauty, you can open up minds to think of other things, too.”

Rick Owens

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restlessness

“I was restless, I needed something to engage me, and art was that something.”

Louise Nevelson
from Louise Nevelson by Arnold Glimcher

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Louise Nevelson on raisins

“When I put a raisin in my mouth, I know what I'm doing.”

Louise Nevelson, on eating them one at a time instead of in handfuls

from Dawns + Dusks: Taped Conversations With Diana MacKown

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Rick Owens on cake

“I have plenty of addictions. I mean, I smoke, I drink coffee, I have to have a certain amount of cake a day. So I have my addictions, and I’ve learned to accept them.”

Rick Owens, when asked about his sobriety

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current obsession: heaven sent honey

some thoughts on beauty

Recently stumbled on Heaven Sent Honey (named after a line in a 2008 James Bond theme song), the YouTube channel of Celine Moser, and I’m obsessed!

She makes videos about beauty, art, fashion, decorating, solitude, the “trashy” aesthetic, and femininity, among other things. She’s proudly an aesthete, unapologetic about pursuing beauty—not in the Kardashian sense (which I’d argue isn’t actually beauty at all) but rather the look-at-these-cool-shadows, stick-wine-bottle-corks-on-the-wall sense. Simplicity. It reminds me of going to Italy in college: drinking good cheap wine, being in love with discovery and new sensory experiences and art museums. Not in a pretentious way (ok, maybe a little; I was 20!) but with deep reverence for the sights and smells and tastes of everything, no matter how mundane.

She’s a student of art and design, and it shows. She appreciates old issues of Italian Vogue back when it was about famous photographers shooting artistically interesting editorials instead of just promoting celebrities (ahem, Anna Wintour). She’s into romanticizing the boring parts of your life, living slowly, savoring small rituals like arranging roadside wildflowers in a thrifted vase.

I have really mixed feelings about beauty. I HATE HATE HATE when people say “Everyone is beautiful!” because that’s patently untrue (especially when the person is trying to, like, “console” someone fat or otherwise not conventionally attractive and validate their existence). The issue isn’t that everyone is beautiful (eyeroll) but that beauty shouldn’t be required to receive basic respect and human decency. No one owes anyone else beauty. No one should have to be desirable or attractive or fuckable or nice to obtain decent housing, food, clean water, etc. (Related: the “housing first” model of addressing homelessness, which doesn’t force people to be substance-free before getting shelter.)

So for a long time, I was like, beauty sucks! I really appreciate Celine’s videos about the trashy aesthetic because celebrating trashiness pokes fun at classist, sexist expectations for women to be elegant and quiet and clean and rich. Trashiness is about celebrating being tacky, cheap, over the top, loud, and messy. It’s a fuck you to wealth and elitism. (Is it problematic due to fetishizing poverty? I’m still figuring that out. Discuss.)

Anyway, Celine’s videos on the trashy aesthetic helped me come to terms with beauty. They were the gateway drug. I kind of hate to say it, but I love beauty! The silhouette of trees against the sky on a summer night is magical. Fuckin’ sunsets and clouds, man! There’s so much beauty not only in nature but also in stuff like dripping candle wax, shadows and light, a ripe strawberry, a tiny green glass bottle of Perrier sipped slowly while doodling in your sketchbook.

I think I resisted beauty for so long because it’s hard to embrace (and write about) without feeling and sounding very cringe, earnest, girly, and 2014 Tumblr. (Maybe part of that is my own internalized sexism and societal pressure to be snarky and edgy. I dunno, it’s weird.) Anyway, Celine’s videos feel so healing (for lack of a less cheesy word) to my inner child, reassuring her it’s OK to love poetry and romance and sincerity. Loving beauty doesn’t have to mean discriminating against people who aren’t beautiful!

Maybe I can love beauty, fashion, design, balance, contrast, and all that without feeling vain or frivolous or ignoring stuff like war and inequality. I sure hope so. If nothing else, Celine’s videos have inspired me to stop buying shitty furniture/decor from the likes of Wayfair, do more DIYs/start sewing more, find inspiration in old Hollywood glamour, slow down, care less about trends, and look for beauty among free experiences and thrifted stuff. Simple living. The broke art student aesthetic! :)

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mystery

"Eroticism requires separateness…[Our partner’s] separateness is unassailable, and their mystery is forever ungraspable."

—Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity

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sweetness, i was only joking

Dolce far niente is Italian for “the sweetness of doing nothing” (or, alternately, sweet idleness). Seems very fitting for hot, sweaty late summer.

The painting "Dolce far niente" by John Waterhouse from 1880, via Wikipedia. A white woman lounges on a yellow sofa holding a fan made of peacock feathers.

John William Waterhouse, "Dolce Far Niente," 1880 via Wikipedia

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the strange appeal of Walter Skinner

or SKINNER IS ZADDY!!!!!

A collage of photos of Walter Skinner from the X-Files (played by Mitch Pileggi)

I’m rewatching The X-Files (spoilers for season 3 below!) and repeatedly find myself thinking, damn, Skinner is hot.

As a teen, I only had eyes for Mulder (and Scully, but I didn’t realize I was queer yet) (how many sapphics owe it all to Dana Scully?!). At 40, I still love Mulder and Scully, but I admire Mitch Pileggi/Skinner in a way I never did before.

Skinner is TIRED. He’s fed up with your bullshit. He’s weary from dealing with bureaucracy and meetings and paperwork all day. He doesn’t get to be out in the field playing with aliens like Mulder and Scully. He has to deal with budgets and the Smoking Man and his wife filing for divorce. It’s way too relatable!

Mulder’s the impulsive youngest child, making a mess, and Scully’s the oldest daughter who has responsibility foisted on her. Skinner’s the parent. The realities of life and adulthood weigh on him. He’s stuck behind a desk all day. Again, RELATABLE. How many of us watched The X-Files in the ’90s and dreamt of being detectives or doctors or whatever, only to grow up and work in a cubicle? Turns out life is way more Office Space than it is Nancy Drew.

Skinner may lack Mulder’s obvious charm and jocularity, but he has a dry, sarcastic wit (and ripped bod hiding under those boring suits). We even get to see his sexy side in season 3. Mulder and Scully may be wish-fulfillment fantasies, but in the episode Avatar, Skinner has to deal with very real relationship problems: pushing away his wife of 17 years, not confiding in her, until she finally asks for a divorce. At the very end of the episode (I TOLD YOU THERE WOULD BE SPOILERS!), as she’s lying in a coma, he whispers to her that she’s kept him going all these years, and that even though he’s witnessed things he can’t explain or make sense of, coming home to her every night is what’s kept him going. 🥹

For the grown-ass viewer, it’s a seductive moment of vulnerability, a peek behind the stoic facade someone has erected around themselves in self-defense. (I would argue that the truly grown-up thing would be go to therapy and figure out how to stay open and vulnerable and confide in your partner BEFORE they’re comatose, and the bar shouldn’t be so low for cishet white men, but I digress.) Skinner’s usually the strong silent type, but for a moment, he gets to be soft. He tells his (still unconscious) wife he wants to stay married, and at the very end of the episode, he gets his wedding ring out of a desk drawer and puts it back on. It’s tender and touching. We know as viewers that Skinner will probably go back to being that grouchy, walls-up guy in the next episode, but this 43-minute slice of character development is a kiss to build a dream on.


P.S. As a feminist, I think your spouse should be more than “that nice person I come home to every night,” but this was 1996 so I’ll give them a little grace.

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